Are You Worrying About Your Relationship?
- A Professional Tells You How...
Relationships made easy in one hour...
I call you this because after you read my book, 'Making it or Breaking it!' you will feel as if we are friends! Take this one minute test and answer the following questions!
1. Are you feeling loved in your relationship?
2. Do you still feel loving when you think about your partner?
If you don't, then you need to find out why it has changed since you started going out with each other.
Improve your relationship in one hour -
Start Reading this Book, 'Making it or Breaking it!'
Lee Cass, Counsellor, Psychotherapist and Author
You Can Make Your Relationship Work!
* Your family
* About your partner's family
* How families affect your life today
Sex and sexual feelings
* The sexual see-saw
* Sexual compatibility
* How to have more sex
Discover who and why you are the way you are
* About your self esteem
* Stop being a doormat in your relationship
* How to identify your feelings
How to choose a partner
* Become friends
* Become lovers
* How to look for much, much more
* How to convert a one night stand into a friendship
How to measure compatibility
* Early signs
* What to look for
* How to avoid early conflicts
Be an expert in your relationship
Relationship issues
* How to avoid being called a nagger
* How secrets and lies can undermine trust
* Why do we have relationships?
Love and romance
* What is love?
* Falling in love
* What 'I love you' really means
"This book gave me insight!...
Making it or Breaking it! Published by Boondye Books (Sydney, Australia)
is the book written in an easy to read style in the form of a travel guide
book. The cover illustrates the 'map' of the journey (the journey being
part of the journey of life).
There are signposts for the chapters which give ideas and explanations behind any conflict and confusion in a relationship.
For example:
1. Feeling unheard
If someone uses expressions like "I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall", it means they think their communication is going nowhere. They feel ignored. It indicates that a listener might be thinking about other things. They aren't being empathetic and the speaker will think the listener doesn't care about them.
For example:
2. Off-load your day
You ask your partner to sit with you while you talk. To show they are listening and being there for you they will be mainly silent, allowing you to collect your thoughts and speak at your own pace. They will make sounds like, "Aha", "Yes", and "Mmm", to let you know they are listening and empathising with you. They occasionally will rephrase what you say, which lets you know that they understand you, and that they know what sort of day you have had.
They then show how they care by asking you what you would like, be it a cup of coffee, a beverage or a cuddle or whatever - so that YOU can choose whatever you like. Your feelings of stress will diminish in a conversation such as this.
1. Set aside time to tell each other about your days.
2. Decide on a good time to talk. It may be as soon as the last one gets home. It may be after a drink or a shower or after dinner.
3. Take turns at off-loading. Whoever reckons they've had the worst day goes first, or whoever is wearing the darker clothes.
4. Agree on a length of time for talking. If it's to be five minutes, then you each speak for five minutes.
5. Each chooses whether they want to speak uninterruptedly or not.
6. Each decides whether they want to discuss the topics at the end or not
J and I have enjoyed your book very much. I read it on the plane over to the UK. If I didn't know you'd written it before... J and I have thought it was written about us! It is comforting to know that our problems are sort of "universal". Thanks. T.B
"He says it's all my fault...
"Dear Lee,
My partner always blames me for everything: the kitchen is untidy, the
rubbish bin is not taken out and there are wet towels on the bathroom
floor. He says it's all my fault. But I know he is messy too. How can
I stop him blaming me for everything?
Sue Q."
Hi Sue,
If you go the usual way about a situation like this you'll be arguing
about every household item until the sun goes down and then comes up again.
You'll say he leaves his wet towels on the floor and he'll say he took
the bins out last week. The subject will change and so will your mood.
You'll start off trying to work it out and end up yelling at each other.
One way of avoiding this sort of argument is to say how you feel when
he tells you it's all your fault. Now I could imagine that if someone
was telling me that the reason our home was a mess, was all my fault,
that I would be feeling pretty loaded up with all the blame and pretty
annoyed.
So instead of arguing the ins and outs of the cleaning or tidying problems
I would be telling that person that if they always blame me for the problems
that they will have an upset partner to deal with.
Now this is a change of direction already - you aren't arguing back with
them. And I would be hoping that the other person is listening to you
by now.
Then you tell them how their argument is affecting you.
After this, it is time to just work out ways of keeping the place tidy
as a partnership rather than a battle between the two of you. Keep telling
them how you are feeling if the complaints lead you to the idea that you
aren't getting anywhere.
If you are not completely satisfied with this authentic, professional publication just email Boondye Books and request your 100% refund.
The book contains Actual Case Histories to show how people Solve issues
"I hardly see him...
Often couples find they are having difficulties talking to each other, feel something is missing, or they feel their partner is a bit cool or distant. One way that couples get to this situation is when they internalise their conversations instead of talking. Couples find themselves unable to voice their concerns to each other after having been together for a while. They feel that their concerns are minor, so they let it go.
"Oh I wish he'd put the dirty washing into the machine. Oh well I won't complain, it's only a small problem".
"Oh no. She's left the dishes in the sink again. Oh well, she's got enough on her plate I guess".
After a while people get into a pattern where neither party says anything to the other but they internalise their conversation. She thinks to herself:
"I wonder why he's not helping me with the baby. I'm the one who's had her all day."
He might be thinking:
"I've worked all day and she's not even being nice to me when I get home."
What this couple is doing is supposedly being polite and not making waves. What is really happening, however, is that they have stopped talking. They need to say what they are thinking.
Continued thinking like this for each partner will make them feel resentful and alone in the relationship, and it is these feelings that will keep them apart.
When the couple met they had very strong feelings for each other - feelings of attraction, sexuality and fun, for example:
"Wow, she's so great, I could talk to her all day and night."
"He's just so nice. He's a soul mate - he thinks the same way as I do."
It is ironic that their feelings will ultimately drive them apart if they don't remain in communication.
"I don't know. She's so cold to me now. It's like being with a fridge."
"He comes home. He goes out again. I never see him. I just feel alone."
Each time they don't talk they put a 'brick' in between the two of them until eventually it becomes a 'wall'.
Making it or Breaking it! can assist in dismantling the 'wall' safely.
There are even chapters for when a couple has tried everything and seek clarity on whether to break up or not. And there are suggestions for the different ways of breaking up.
If you can't make your relationship work, then learn how to break it and leave happily.
* The ideal way of breaking up
* Angry break-ups
* Peaceful break- ups
And there are ways to break up if you have children:
* What to tell the children
* How to use the phone to avoid conflict
* What the children need
All materials Copyright 2008. Boondye Books . All Rights Reserved.
Do not reprint, or distribute without express written permission.